What’s this feeling, killing me from the inside? Will you ever blink twice at me, or it’s gonna make us divide?😢I still reside in the memories of the days and nights we spent. It seems like you’ve ceased it, and limited it to an extent🥺.

I would like to call it the euphoria of the lost souls but then that would sound soo cliché just like the movies of the 90’s where the lovers would fodge an illusion of just how perfect they’re not so that they couldn’t stay together but as I just realized this is a feeling that one can harbor for long without their knowledge because it’s been destroying me slowly I can’t imagine the pain of us divided but then I gotta just have a little bit of hope that it will grow because if not I don’t know whether I’ll be found after I get lost in the abyss of these memories.

And yet still, would I be able, to adore your presence again? Or will your silence wither me out, and everything to go in vain. Remember when no one else was there, it was only me by your side. And still you broke us into two,and this pain I can’t bear. Hey, did we really come this far, only to get seperated by this fear? How I wish your lovely voice echo again in my ears. I once was shattered, then you blessed me with your kiss. Thats what is ringing loud in my heart..Touche but where were you when I screamed loud enough for you not to leave me in this darkness. I screamed louder than before when I saw you turn your back to me how I wanted to kiss your lips touch your soul in ways you couldn’t imagine.

But then again doesn’t love cover a multitude of sin or so they say. I’m being irrational I know maybe I’ll regret later or probably cry again but I wouldn’t walk this path with anyone else by my side though my thoughts are screaming loudly because this is the pattern I recognize it. I remember how you held me the last time do you though? No maybe but still I hope you do but we can bear the pain if it means at the end of the day I get to hold you on my chest and listen to your heartbeat as they lull me to deep sleep.

You know its funny how my scars form a pattern that spells out your name, this is to say….I can not erase it, and so you are all I’m covered with, my body became an ever present reminder that I was once yours and some part of me still is. Hey, you told me our pulses were the same,…..and yet I believed you, I listen to my pumping blood whenever I miss your voice, it’s…not quite the same, honestly it seems like your shadow, like a second hand version of you, like a lingering form I can’t touch, and so I’ve gotten used to the feeling of your nonexistent presence…..

How can I be nonexistent when all I see around me is your face? I mean when you told me my eyes remind you of the best decision you ever made and yet you left! I wonder did i change my lenses or something? Did I not form your scars well enough to hold you back from leaving me in this hollow? I guess you feel pain when I cry but no all I think you feel is pity! And no I don’t want you feel pity because I have enough of that for myself. You know what the sad part is!? My heart still craves your whole presence more than a magnet. Saddest part I still want you!

I imagine myself feeling happy to the core at the moment I got rid of the scars you gave me, but still, a part of me asks if she leaves then who are you?The question itself is terrifying, is aching, causing a feeling of severance within myself. Then I reminisced our days, we were not perfect, we were not flawless. But we were real, we were us and that’s what I miss. That feeling makes crave for you an ounce more. But I thought they said some scars are a proof that it will last forever so wasn’t I supposed to like last forever or something? I get it you definitely went for the something because forever doesn’t seem to be in your vocabulary but you should be aware that it’s infuriating and disappointing because I thought you treasured the scars either way I still hold you close enough to be there with you even after I leave.

And honestly, why would you even question something that doesn’t exist? Why bring yourself ache rather than embrace the fact that my heart belongs to you?you don’t have to reminisce you just have to come get me. We were flawed because that’s the proof of humanity but you looked abit more longilly at my flaws so that you’d get a reason. A reason to leave me so that’s why you’ll continue craving until you decide to take a leap till then I should just continue writing to you! I hope you get the letters.

It may be late but not that too late, I accepted my mistakes long ago, it was my mind playing tricks. For sure our love is true even when we are put in two different worlds let’s prove it now and then.Now I say, the scars you gave me are the most beautiful art I have ever seen in my life.Let’s not fall into lies, and even if we fall let’s make lie a lie. Because us is true and these 4 years are the proof. From now on, see me being everything of you when you look into the mirror…

(this article was inspired and co-written by Carian, a novelist and writer.)

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